How making Butterscotch Pie is like creating the life we want.
I was gifted my great-grandmother’s Butterscotch Pie recipe.
It was written on a decades-old index card in delicate, looping cursive — the kind that takes a minute to decipher.
Apron on, I gathered the ingredients and immediately had to Google one: What is sweet milk?
Turns out, it’s whole milk (as opposed to the “sour milk” or buttermilk often used back then).
But I digress.
As I read the recipe, I realized something important: it was only for the butterscotch filling.
After you make the butterscotch, it simply says:
“Fill a baked crust and cover with meringue.”
No mention of what kind of crust.
No baking temperature.
No meringue instructions.
I had more questions than answers.
Thankfully, I had YouTube — and an aunt I could call.
What a Pie Recipe Taught Me About Life
That pie-making experience reminded me of something I see all the time in my coaching work.
When we start thinking about a change in life, whether it's having kids, thinking about life after high-school, starting a career, pursuing a new job, creating a business, or making a change in life, we want a recipe - something with clear steps and guaranteed results.
We don’t want to get lost or mess it up.
The truth is, there is no recipe for creating the life you want.
But whatever our results, they will be uniquely ours.
When There’s No “Recipe” for Your Next Step
When we don’t have clear instructions for life, it’s easy to think something’s wrong with us — that we’re missing a secret everyone else knows.
But the truth is simpler: You’ve just never done this before.
Without a fixed recipe, you get to experiment. You get to make something that’s entirely yours.
What This Means for Parents and Teens
If you’re the parent of a high schooler, your teen is in a “no recipe” stage.
They’re being asked to make decisions about college, career, and the future and they’ve never done it before.
They’re learning what it means to experiment, test, and explore careers that might work for them.
Your job isn’t to hand them a step-by-step guide.
It’s to teach them how to try, how to recover when something flops, and how to stay curious when things feel uncertain.
That’s what builds confidence and direction — the kind that can’t be copied from anyone else.
Related: How to Move Forward When You Feel Stuck
The Beauty of a Half-Written Recipe
It might feel frustrating when life doesn’t come with clear instructions, but it’s actually freedom in disguise.
There’s nothing to break.
You get to call the shots.
You get to experiment.
You get to create something that works for you.
We’re all starting from mostly scratch, but isn’t that how the best baked goods (and the best lives) are made?
Great Granny’s Butterscotch Pie Recipe (Exactly as Originally Written)
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup water
1 teaspoon butter
2 egg yolks
2 Tablespoons flour
1 cup sweet milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
Boil first three ingredients until a very thick syrup. Mix other three ingredients and cook until thick. Remove from fire and add vanilla. Fill a baked crust and cover with meringue.
Note: The pie in the photo is my first attempt. Nothing glamorous. A little embarrassing.
But that’s what first attempts look like — in pie-making and in life.
This is how we start. How we learn. How we move forward.
You just have to be willing to try. Even without a recipe.
About Anna
Anna Nelson is a Minneapolis based Gallup-Certified Strengths Coach and ICF-Certified Coach who helps teens and parents make confident, intentional decisions about college, career, and life. Learn more about her Strengths-Based Pre-College Prep Program or book a free strategy session to talk about your teen’s next step.